[RUGBYLIST] kiwiland a pezzi

[Pasquale Zambuto]

In Nuova Zelanda addetti ai lavori e media continuano a non spiegarsi come
mai gli All Blacks (tutt'ora definiti dai propri connazionali "LA MIGLIORE
SQUADRA AL MONDO") non abbiano vinto il Mondiale.
Graham Henry nei giorni scorsi ha ribadito il concetto peraltro calpestando
la vittoria degli Springboks, accusati di giocare un rugby opportunistico,
esasperato nella fisicità e privo di fantasia.
Nel mentre che una nazione intera si interroga su come mai negli ultimi
venti anni, sebbene prescelta per gesto Divino, la propria squadra di
fenomeni non sia riuscita a rivincere la Coppa del Mondo, la restante parte
ovale del pianeta ha emesso diverse storielle sugli All Blacks.
Le allego in lingua inglese.

Pasquale Zambuto



What’s the difference between the All Blacks and an arsonist?
An arsonist wouldn’t waste five matches.


What do you call 15 guys sitting around the TV watching the Rugby World Cup
final?
The All Blacks


What’s the difference between Graham Henry and Viagra?
At least Viagra gives you a semi.


Graham Henry gets handed a mobile phone and is told “This is Wayne Barnes’s
phone”
Henry asks “How did you know?”
“It has 15 missed calls” comes the reply


Why did Graham Henry go to a ball dressed as a pumpkin?
Because he hoped when the clock struck midnight he would turn into a coach.


Why did the man go to an Adidas store and try to buy condoms?
He was too embarrassed to ask for an All Black jersey.


Graham Henry has a busy day and tells the team just to practice passing
round some plastic cones for training.
After 80 minutes he sees them trudging back looking depressed.
“How did the session go lads,” he asks.
“The cones won 18-12,? replies Richie McCaw.


There was a fire in Snow White’s cabin in the forest and she ran around
desperately checking if the dwarfs were alright. There was a groan and she
said “Sleepy’s fine!” and a growl and she said “Grumpy is alright” and so
on, but she couldn’t find the seventh one until she heard someone say “The
All Blacks are going to still win” and she said ” There - thank God - Dopey
is okay!”


Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first
person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers “241.”
“That’s wonderful!,” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification
Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!”
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What is your IQ?” To
which the lady answers, “144.”
“That is great!,” responds Albert. “We can discuss politics and current
affairs. We will have much to discuss!”
Albert goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man
answers, “51.”
Albert responds, “So, what do you reckon happened to the All Blacks?”


A man’s body was found in the harbour wearing an All Blacks jumper, pink
panties, fishnet stockings and a dildo up his arse. Police removed the
jumper to avoid any embarrassment to his family.


Did you hear NZ Post has just recalled their latest batch of stamps?
They had photos of All Blacks on them & people couldn’t figure out which
side to spit on.


The NZRFU has taken the All Blacks’ Fords off them. When the All Blacks
asked what they would do without them the NZRFU replied “Drive Holdens like
all the other losers.”


Did you hear that thieves broke into the all Black Trophy room last night?
Police are appealing for information on the whereabouts of a glass cabinet
and a carpet.


Eddie was at school one morning and the teacher asked all the children what
their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy,
Captain of Industry etc, but Eddie was being uncharacteristically quiet and
so the teacher asked him about his father.
“My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes
in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he’ll go out
with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him.”
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Eddie
aside to ask him if that was really true.
“No” said Edward, “He’s an All Black but I was just too embarrassed to say.”


Wayne Barnes walks into a sperm donor bank.
“I’d like to donate some sperm” he says to the receptionist.
“Certainly Sir” replies the receptionist, “have you donated before?”.
“Yes” replies Wayne “you should have my details on your computer”.
“Oh yes, I’ve found your details” says the receptionist “but I see you’re
going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?”
“Why do I need help?” asks Wayne. The receptionist replies
“Well, it says on your record that you’re a useless wanker”


What have the All Blacks got in common with a three pin plug?
Both are useless in Wales.


On a tour of New Zealand, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary
to visit the north coast on an impromptu sightseeing trip.
His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an
enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it
was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf,
Wayne Barnes struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a
twenty-foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing Graham Henry, Richie McCaw and Anton
Oliver roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, Richie McCaw
took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark’s ribs, immobilising it
instantly.
The other two reached out and pulled Wayne Barnes from the water and then,
using long clubs, beat the shark to death.
They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Wayne into the speedboat along
with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard
frantic shouting from the shore. It was of course the Pope, and he summoned
them to the beach.
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue
and said, “I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that
there were some hooligan elements and vindictive people upset by the result
of the match but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can
see that you are truly enlightened examples of cultural harmony and could
serve as a model which other peoples could follow.”
He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, Graham Henry asked the others, “Who was that?”
“That,” Anton Oliver answered, “was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct
contact with God and has access to all God’s wisdom.”
“Well,” Richie McCaw replied, “he knows nothing about shark hunting. How’s
that bait holding up?”.


What do you do for a drowning New Zealand Rugby player?
Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he’ll choke anyway.


Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says,
“Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up
everything inside them is numbered.”
The second surgeon says, “Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside
them is in alphabetical order.”
The third surgeon says, “Try electricians. Everything inside them is
colour-coded.”
The fourth one says, “I prefer New Zealand Rugby players. They’re heartless,
spineless, gutless and their heads and bums are interchangeable.”


A man meets a friend and sees that his friend’s car is total write-off and
covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood.
He asks his friend “What’s happened to your car?”
“Well,” the friend responds, “I ran over Wayne Barnes”.
“OK,” says the man, “that explains the blood… But what about the leaves, the
grass, the branches and the dirt ?”
“Well, he tried to escape through the park.”